eat, drink, and be merry because we need the space

The holidays are officially winding down now. I say officially because we’ve just spent two and half hours traveling back from Bristol, a trip that normally only takes us about an hour and a half. The M5 was shut from junction 11 to 9. Early reports say the motorway was shut after a man’s body was found on the carriageway near junction 10 just north of Cheltenham. No other details have surfaced yet. It meant we had to take the long way home, but hey, we made it home safely, so no complaints from me.

All in all, we had a great Christmas and New Year break, the in-laws have gone back from whence they came, and we’re back at home settling down to some sense of normalcy. Granted, I have to put up with the kids for another couple of days before they go back to school. But that’s cool, I can cope.

What’s the safety zone for continuing to talk about new year’s resolutions? I usually start thinking about what I want to do with the new year in the last two weeks of December. My theory is if I work it out in December, I can hit January running full speed. Not much is going on in the last couple of weeks in December anyway because most people are too busy thinking about Christmas and racking up hundreds if not thousands of pounds of debt buying gifts for their loved ones and friends. I’m lucky that Ruth is frugal and I waste money all year long thus saving me the need to rack it all up at the end of the year. You don’t notice it as much if you spread it out over the year.

Anyway, if you haven’t made your resolutions or goals for 2011 yet, here are my last words on the subject. All you slackers out there will like this. According to a study conducted for the Department for Work and Pensions, one in six of us is going to live to see our 100th birthday or more. The problem with this, as you can imagine, is that there is simply not going to be enough space for us all. It’ll be like that episode of Star Trek where some alien race captures Kirk and tries to make him mate with their princess, a beautiful blonde of course. It turns out that their planet is suffering from overpopulation because they’ve found a way to eradicate disease and such like, meaning that people simply lived extra long lives, so much so that there wasn’t enough space to even move around anymore. So they wanted Kirk to mate with this princess and give her his germs so that they could all start dying again.

The moral of the story is that if we listen to Jamie Oliver and his ilk and keep getting healthier by all this green, yogurt, granola, broccoli eating living, we’re likely to be begging for population relief in the future. So in defence of the future of our society, I encourage you NOT to make any resolutions about getting fit, quitting smoking, eating more vegetables, and drinking less alcohol. If ever you needed a reason to live hard, eat grease burgers, and lead pies, and drink alcohol like a fish drinks water, this is it – you are helping to secure the future from over population. Any excuse will do eh?

OK, that said, it’s time for me to go do my civic duty and drink shots of Jack Daniels for the rest of the evening.

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